Monetizing My Anxiety

Monetizing My Anxiety

Okay… some days it seems that my whole life is a struggle and I think I have finally found the answer.

I am going to monetize my anxiety.

Let me take a moment to explain something. There are four things that people get mixed up occasionally. Those things are shyness, introversion, social awkwardness, and anxiety/social anxiety. Those are not the same thing. You can have one without any of the others. You can have any combination of them and you can have them all. Anyone who is allowed inside my shell knows that I am not the least bit shy. There is no question about that. I am an introvert. I am fairly socially awkward. I suffer from social anxiety and generalized anxiety disorder. I want to make the differences clear because this post is about anxiety. These are things that can worry/bother me to the point of severe physical illness (on the extreme end). It has been with me for as long as I can remember.

So why not make some money off of it.

Listen… this is probably one of the best ideas I have ever had.

Hear me out. This could really work. I deal with so much anxiety on a daily basis that this really could be the move. Hell, on my birthday alone I could have probably paid off all my credit card debt. My life would completely change if I got a PayPal deposit every time I was anxious. Of course, all anxiety is not created equal. There would be a scale.

Anxious about leaving the house $5

Checking to see if he responded to my text even though the phone clearly hasn’t notified me of any response $5

Is this stranger going to try and talk to me? $10

Does my hair look crazy? $1

Is something in my teeth or on my nose? $1

Did what I just say sound stupid? $5

I have to go to a what? A party? $50

Work Phone rings $25

Cell Phone rings $50

You want me to get on the mic and host/read/say actual coherent words? $150

You want me to dance and I haven’t had any alcohol? $250

Why do I need alcohol? Am I an alcoholic? $500

I talk too much. $100

They think I am crazy. $100

Am I crazy? $500

He thinks I am annoying. $400

I suck at this parenting thing. $500

Am I going to be able to pay this bill? $10

Am I ever going to finish this book? $5

I forgot about my homework. $5

Staff meeting $20

Staff meeting where I have to talk. $200

Baltimore Beltway Traffic $50

DC Traffic $250

I have to ask someone for help. $4000

I am overthinking things. $15

Does she even feel like talking to me today? $5

They didn’t respond to my text/call. Are they still alive? $1000

Why isn’t my grandmother answering her phone? $5000

Was I staring at her for too long? $60

I have to teach today. $75

What am I going to eat? $5

I forgot about my therapy appointment. $2500

I am the worst friend. $45

Someone wants to talk to me… but they want to talk later… and won’t say what it is about. $25,000

I mean… I could keep going but I don’t want to scare those of you who don’t suffer from/understand anxiety and I don’t want to trigger those who do. I am sure you catch my drift.

So this would be my new business if we were living in a perfect world. Unfortunately, we are not so I will continue to daydream while battling for my sanity.

Wish me luck!


p.s. If anyone would like to invest in my anxiety my PayPal is always accepting donations.




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