Turtleberry’s Belief System

I believe in dragons and fairies.

I believe in unicorns and demons.

I believe in omens and signs.

I believe that what you want is most often exactly what you need because sometimes what you need is to know that everything that you want isn’t good for you.

I believe in the X-men and Batman.

I believe in the force.

I believe that Anakin brought balance to the force.

I believe in magic and that my belief allows Tinkerbell to live on.

I believe that people who drink diet soda and light beer should just drink water.

I believe that weed is a gateway drug to potato chips.

I believe methadone patients turn into weebles.

I believe that it is a coincidence that crack came out just after Regan began the war on drugs.

I don’t believe in coincidences.

I do believe in conspiracies.

I believe that the non-violent civil rights movement was passive aggression at its finest.

I believe that children are our future and after seeing the youth of today…

I believe we are fucked.

I believe that niggers will always be niggers until they convince themselves that they are in fact not niggers.

I believe when people show you who they are you are obligated to believe them.

I believe that those who choose not to vote should give their citizenship and rights up to those who would actually appreciate and use them.

I believe that if it ain’t broke then you shouldn’t try to fix it.

I believe that everything happens for a reason.

I believe that life gives you exactly what you expect it to because it is only what you decide it is.

I believe that sometimes there can be victory in retreat.

I believe that life doesn’t owe us shit.

I believe that some people actually gain pleasure from complaining.

I believe that babies and animals are the best judge of true character.

I believe that a person’s energy is actually their calling card.

I believe falling in love is a constant process and the only way to fall out of love is to actually stop falling altogether.

I believe that all men are created equal and that the ability to carry & birth new life means women are superior.

I believe we all need someone.

I believe smiles are just as contagious as bad moods.

I believe that spaghetti is always better on the second day.

I believe that pound cake saves lives.

I believe in black power and turtle power.

I believe in the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

I believe in the leprechaun guarding that pot of gold.

I believe that leprechauns are to gnomes as gremlins are to mogwai.

I believe that the IRS, Sallie Mae, and the child support people found Bin Laden.

I believe our young black men will continue to be killed until we all decide that it is not okay for anyone to kill our young black men… including other young black men.

I believe that those who worship the divine all worship the same god but use different names and speak different languages.

I believe that we should not involve ourselves in conflicts that have been around since the old testament.

I believe we all need something or someone to believe in.


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