- Because you asked me that question.
- Because you used incorrect grammar doing it.
- Because Mountain Dew doesn’t come in an IV drip.
- Because a nine year old little girl knows all the words to every ratchet song on the radio but can not read.
- Because I just used the word ratchet, twice.
- Because I’m supposed to be the responsible one.
- Because Diet Caffeine Free Mountain Dew actually exists
- Because Wolverine doesn’t actually exist (at least I haven’t met him).
- Because of the Ravens offensive line, or lack thereof.
- Because not only does Chipotle not deliver but it doesn’t have a drive-thru and isn’t open 24 hours.
- Because poetry beef is apparently real and not the name of some sort of struggle food.
- Because some old woman of God is going to have us all pray her drug-dealing, child murdering, rapist, disrespectful ass son into heaven.
- Because that same woman told her gay son that he was not only dead to her but damned to hell.
- Because 2 Chainz is someone’s favorite rapper.
- Because Sister Mary Stella said I am going to hell because my parents weren’t married when I was conceived.
- Because some asshole is going to say I have “daddy issues” and that is why I am single.
- Because my father isn’t here to defend himself.
- Because it is my unbirthday and no on brought me any pound cake. Pound cake saves lives.
- Because I am not pretty enough.
- Because I am too pretty.
- Because assholes have actually said that to me.
- Because one pack of Oodles of Noodles is too little and two packs is too much.
- Because I can’t inhale without assistance.
- Because world star hip hop exists and people watch & re-post that shit.
- Because FUCK YOU… that’s why!
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